A Dog’s Two Minutes of Walking

8:00:01 am – Sniff something.

8:00:05 am – Pee on a vertical surface.

8:00:15 am – Sniff the pee on the vertical surface.

8:00:25 am – Pull on leash.

8:00:35 am – Try to trip the person walking me.

8:00:45 am – Squirrel. Tug leash as hard as possible until the squirrel runs up a tree.

8:00:55 am – Sniff something.

8:01:00 am – Pee on another vertical surface.

8:01:15 am – Bird. Tug leash as hard as possible until the person walking me is pulled forward.

8:01:30 am – Stop dead in my tracks to sniff something. Refuse to move until the person walking me pulls me away.

8:01:40 am – Walk next to the human for at most two seconds.

8:01:45 am – Tug on leash as hard as possible for no reason.

8:01:55 am – Try to chase a passing car.

8:01:59 am – Sniff something.

3 thoughts on “A Dog’s Two Minutes of Walking

  1. Sometimes I think animals must think we’re completely sniff illiterate or we’d be down there sniffing with them.

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  2. Mine also changes sides constantly, so I have to shuffle his leash from one side to the other like we’re playing hot potato, and if it’s at night and I want him just to “do business” so we can get back inside before the mosquitos eat me, it’s “stare mournfully and stoically off into the night” for minutes at a time.

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    1. And yet we put up with them. They’re just so damn loveable.

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